Nighttime Comics Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Television's prominent entertainers devoted their evening mocking former President Donald Trump's just unveiled visa program, labeled the "Trump card," describing it as a obvious pay-for-access arrangement for the rich.

Colbert's Pointed Analysis

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic holiday jingle directed at the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, checking it twice, before handing that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... ruins everything he touches."

The subject was the new initiative which enables international citizens to buy U.S. residency for an investment of $1 million dollars, or "top-tier" tier for $5 million. An official website pledges approval "faster than ever."

"One message for you to rich applicants: prior to you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He noted that the card is also designed to "extract cash" from companies wanting to hire skilled workers, with hefty payments. "That's a lot of fees, however if you register, you also get two free nights at a hotel of your choice – provided that it's the that one hotel," he said.

"The most thorough screening the U.S. government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals completely qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit affluent overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "For a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"It might be time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the application, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Concerns

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping approval ratings during economic anxiety. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were angry about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a attempt to discuss prices, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, and behaved oddly to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking conservative news defenses of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he joked.